EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN PARENTING

You do so much for your children right from birth and still do not feel valued. Is this your constant struggle? Do you expect validation from your children? And is that the cause of your existential crisis?

Emotions are the core of existence. The first stir of emotions caused the first chemical change that causes the first physical movement that led to creation on Planet Earth. And thats true for every creation in this multifaceted Universe. What we study as various subjects chemistry, physics, geology and many advance studies are all holistically connected and triggered by human emotion. How important can the emotional bond between parents and child be to bring harmony and ease in our day to day lives?

Emotional Intelligence put in simple words is understanding the emotion underneath any action, reaction, behaviour or mannerism. While the karmic relation between parents and children is naturally such that causes each to trigger the other, the only respite is increasing emotional intelligence. This would help parents understand and empathise with their child better. In the fast urbanising society where time is money, finding time to connect with your child emotionally would reap far greater results than any education or sport. The game is won between the two ears - a saying that summarises what raising an emotionally balanced child can result in.

Simple steps parents can take to raise their own emotional intelligence and be a role model for their children to choose the same :

Active listening is listening with no judgement. Completely receiving the child and allowing him/her to express fully without any fear.

Ask Questions and probe without bias using open ended questions to dig for any hidden emotions to surface.

Do not answer or respond or react to any verbal attacks made. Allow the child to vent and release. Hold space for them by being non judgemental. This will allow the child to express hidden and repressed emotions and pains.

If a parent, teacher, sibling, coach, grandparent can master these simple tools then parenting would become a breeze. Children who are heard and emotionally received turn out to be much more emotionally balanced. They know how to deal with their emotions and deal with life challenges in a pragmatic manner. 

In this case the parent - Mahesh - doesn’t listen and always rushes his child Tara. He is a strict disciplinarian. And aims to train his kid to be the best child and always win at what she does. But today Tara is crying; she doesnt wish to go for tennis class. Mahesh is upset. Tara does this all the time, for school, for music class, for tennis and even for family gatherings. He is beginning to get tired of this and keeps saying Tara dont cry. He tries to distract her sometimes with her favorite icecream, food or a toy or an outing. At times Tara starts throwing her crying tantrum while Mahesh is driving and that distracts him a lot. He lands up scolding Tara and feels guilty after. But he then justifies to himself, this is how my parents were strict and I need to be strict else Tara has begun to manipulate me with her tears.

Mehecks as an empath, professional psychic, intuitive psychologist, counsellor and transformation coach sees the generational trauma in the fathers ancestry. Mahesh was never heard as a child and may have been even abused and lived his life from proving himself to be the best child. He expects the same from Tara. Tara according to him should behave like her father and learn all the things that she is told to. He is using carrot and stick to train Tara. Tara on the other hand is struggling between what her heart desires and what she is being told to do by her father. She is being conditioned by the expectations of the father.

If this is your story at home, emotional intelligence is required in parenting. To know more you can read Choices and Voices of Children - 100 ways to be a Conscious Parent - a book authored by Meheck to help parents reconnect with their children by raising their emotional intelligence.